Osteology and You

One of the classes I took last term was human osteology - lots of work (you have to be able to identify bones and their features in fragment form), but an excellent class.  I thought that I'd share some of my knowledge and insights from the class:

1. If you pass out during an exam, campus security has to come. Your backpack will get a ride to the Student Health Centre; you will walk over, accompanied by a security officer. (Ok, so that actually has nothing to do with osteology. But it's something I learned!)

2. There are three general types of joints in the human body (synovial, cartilaginous, and fibrous) and your vertebral column contains all three.

3. My favourite bone group is the vertebrae, partially because of the fun fact noted above, and partially because so many diseases, biomechanical markers, etc. are evidenced there.

4. My favourite individual bone is the sphenoid. It's complex, and sometimes difficult to identify in fragment, but very pretty. It reminds me of a butterfly, or this flower.

5. In trying to figure out which side is up for tarsals, metatarsals, and pedal phalanges (ankle bones, foot bones, and toes), the sides that are bulgy, rough, have grooves for nerves and ligaments, and generally look uncomfortable, are invariably the sides that you're walking on. Plantar fasciae are your friends.

6. There is incredible variation in number of bones per individual, bone robusticity, skull shape, etc., all within normal parameters. The average person may or may not have exactly 206 bones. Children have more. 

7. Most of the bone names are in Latin, with a few in Greek. They translate to some really....interesting things:

• Coracoid process (part of your scapula)= crow (shaped like a crow's beak)
• Malleolus (exterior ankle bones)= little hammer. 

Some of the really fascinating meanings got me wondering about who thought up the bone names in the first place and the circumstances under which the naming occurred. Here's one possible scenario:

Act 1, Scene 1: Somewhere in Europe, several hundred (or more) years ago. 

" Ok, y'all. We've got 15 articulated skeletons, 327 individual bones, vellum, ink, quills, and 47 bottles of Antonio's papa's home-made wine. LET'S DO THIS THING!!!"

Act 2, Scene 1: Several hours, and 34 bottles of Antonio's papa's home-made wine later.

"BOOBS! Heh heh heh.....skull has boobs. Mastoid process!! Skullboobs...heh heh heh....boobs."

"Duuuude...you could totally drink out of this thing. It's like a little wine goblet... for, like, squirrels."

"Yo, Bartholomeus! Wake up! You gettin' this %$^# down, bro?"

8. It's somehow satisfying to be able to identify and use the correct term for the exact bone that you've injured, stubbed, whatever. For example:

Slipping on ice before taking osteology: " Aggggrrrrrhhh! Owowowow! Goatbothering%^&^%&$#!!"
Slipping on ice after taking osteolgy: "I have landed on my sacrum! Aaaahhhhh! %$%$#*&@onastick!!

Much better.